So we, like many others in the world, have a giant t.v completed with Austar (pay t.v). Its great, i love it. I have a really short attention span so the fact that everything on Austar is a repeat of something i saw yesterday doesn't phase me. What does piss me off is that the plugs in the back are dodgy, every once in a while, seemingly on a whim, the sound turns off. Like just now i can hear a car in the driveway which means the pack of feral dogs that live here charge past the t.v cabinet and the sound shuts off. Awesome.
Now i have three options 1) i can sit here and listen to myself type (or worse, listen to myself think) 2) i can attempt to get the sound working again or the third and more unpopular option 3) i can fix the sound manually. Now to fix the sound is a relatively simple task, all one needs to do is to get up and cross the lounge room to the cabinet, stick ones hand behind the cable box and push the plugs around until they make contact again.
Now here is where the trouble comes in, technology has convinced me that i should not have to get up from my chair EVER. Thats why we have remote controls HELLO so we can control this sort of thing from a remote location, or at the very least, from the old blue recliner chair.
In order to not have to get my considerable derriere (this is probably why its considerable) i have a variety of things i will try before i make the inevitable trip over to the cabinet. I figure since the pack of feral dogs (henceforth referred to as POFD) can gambol past and switch the sound off, the reverse should also be applicable. So i scramble around (still in my chair) looking for something that will attract the dogs attention and peg it in the general direction of the cabinet.
This general plays out as follows, the POFD that consist of three German Shorthaired Pointer's (one of which is slightly mentally unstable), one Jack Russell Terrier and one Geriatric Beagle, will go pounding over to the t.v to retrieve (or at least have a really good look at) the object i have thrown. As the first three approach the sounds suddenly increases, the first three will investigate the object and even if they are not interested one will grab it to prevent the others from obtaining the "treasure", then they will rush off as the geriatric beagle approaches and the JRT runs around extolling the virtues of (well im not really sure what he extolls the virtues of but he does it A LOT). The pair will mill around where the object was and the Geriatric Beagle will look at me with that hang dog look only hounds can give, fart and wonder off in search of a bin to raid. The fart will generally extinguish the sound again.
Another method i like to employ is to throw non dog enticing items at the t.v cabinet, the sound returns on impact and then disappears again as the item hits the ground. Then the POFD come charging with the opinion that THEY will be the the judge of weather or not it was a dog enticing object that i have thrown. The above scenario then plays out.
At this point i generally start randomly swearing at the t.v, now i dont why, when its actually the fault of the dodgy plugs in the cable receiver thingamajig, i guess as its the larger target and i assume it has broad shoulders (and im talking metaphorical shoulders here). Occasionally the sound will recommence in conjunction with one particular swear word prompting a "thank fuck for that" which of course then eliminates the sound. This in turn prompts a string of swear words that would make a shearer blush and of course, does not solve the issue but only serves to make me sound like i have turrets syndrome and leaves me no closer to having sound again.
It is at this point that i realize that i have exhausted all my options, the dogs have all the objects that were close at hand in the backyard and i've actually wasted much more time and effort then if i had of employed option three in the first place. So i get up and cross the lounge room and wiggle those damn dodgy plugs, the sound recommences and i sit back down only to realize that the program i wanted to watch is over, i reach for the remote control and discover that its one of the objects i threw at the cabinet and the POFD are now romping round the backyard with it.
I scream FUCK .... and the sound on the t.v turns off.
